The Advice given by A Father That Helped Us as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

But the truth quickly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was thrust into becoming her chief support while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a good place. You require assistance. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to talk between men, who continue to internalise harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a respite - going on a couple of days away, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he needed to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotional states alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "poor actions" when younger to alter how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a family member, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, staying active and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, altered how they express themselves, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I think my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."